Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Ahhhhh Life....

I just talked to my friend was so good to hear her voice! It's been hard for the past 6 months being away from my Ottawa Nunas! I have never met a better group of girls in my whole life, and we all be friends forever. Since I've moved home, I haven't even tried to make or rekindle any friendships, no other girls "get" me! I am pretty content with that though. I do miss them a lot; thank-goddess for internet, it would be way more painful otherwise. I am going back for "Nuna Christmas" in a few weeks...and I can hardly wait! Kiki is picking me up from the airport and it will begin! I have to remember to treasure that weekend...every minute...the joy these women bring me is indescribable. Maybe living away makes these moments that more treasured? Anyway, it is going to be so super fun...I cannot even stand how excited I'm getting!

I wish Shanny was coming though and Kimmy...but I cannot have EVERYTHING! Hopefully we will all be together this summer...wish...hope...dream!

I am trying hard to keep my anxiety in check though. Since coming out of my depression I have gained some weight and am not feeling as gorgeous as I'd like...there goes my inner voice again...I am so critical of myself...and there is going to be a party at Lele's with non-Nunas, and that's when my anxiety starts to sky rocket. Why do I worry so much about what others think of me? It drives me nuts, especially since these are all really good people who probably are not saying how I've gained weight but are really genuinely happy to see me. I am insane. Of course after saying all this, I could actually DO something about it, instead of just hoping I'll wake up one day back in the body I had when I was 21. I guess that would be my brutal procrastination problem rearing it's ugly head again! anyone else this crazy?

Well, I must keep my positivity going...I so much enjoy this feeling...I must savor it. I never want to go back to that black, lonely place I was last year...YUCK!

"I am going to go make so art with love for my Lele now!" coco says fighting the urge to keep staring at her computer instead. A psychic told me recently that I have to embrace my inner child. I am translating this to being able to PLAY again. I am not going to worry that a almost 39 year old shouldn't be wearing flannel pj's with Scottie dogs on them, at 8PM on a Wednesday thinking about drawing and colors and puppies and bff's! Hee hee I am also not going to worry that someone could read this and judge me! SO THERE!

Here I gooooo.....!

Monday, November 10, 2008

It's Time!

That's it...I really have to stop over-analysing EVERYTHING and just start....ANYTHING! I have the worst habit of wanting to do everything and starting nothing! It really is driving me crazy! Why am I like this? I am so completly jealous of "go-getters"! You know people who play guitar, paint, jog everyday, go to yoga class, have beautifully groomed animals and always look so put together! How the rippn' hell do people do it?

So today, I'm just going to make myself do something...anything. Perhaps start one of the many crosstitch patterns I have collected for up coming Yule. Or actually start knitting those cute slippers I keep meaning to get to. Or finally start the art class on line that I'm dying to take. But really...I'm again just typing about all this and doing it again...procrastination!

I really miss my friend Keelsta! We could procastinate together like no one else, but it was fun and I would make her laugh (she has the best laugh in the whole world!) But I moved away and am in a different province now, and though I thought the distance wouldn't make a difference, it seems to have. I wonder what she is doing now? Maybe procrastinating just like me?

Well, I've made myself a big pot of coffee, just got home from work, which I really find so completely unfullfilling and horrible, but we all need to bring home a paycheque I guess. I spend the day dreaming about all the things I'd rather be doing, or what I will do when I get home, then by the time I get here...I'm too tired to do anything! HORRIBLE. I need help! Seriously, I need the go-getters to chime in and tell me EXACTLY how they do it! Step-by-step!

I am really going to sign up for this art class...right now...I'm going to do it! Just watch me! I will tell you all about it later!