Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Ahhhhh Life....

I just talked to my friend was so good to hear her voice! It's been hard for the past 6 months being away from my Ottawa Nunas! I have never met a better group of girls in my whole life, and we all be friends forever. Since I've moved home, I haven't even tried to make or rekindle any friendships, no other girls "get" me! I am pretty content with that though. I do miss them a lot; thank-goddess for internet, it would be way more painful otherwise. I am going back for "Nuna Christmas" in a few weeks...and I can hardly wait! Kiki is picking me up from the airport and it will begin! I have to remember to treasure that weekend...every minute...the joy these women bring me is indescribable. Maybe living away makes these moments that more treasured? Anyway, it is going to be so super fun...I cannot even stand how excited I'm getting!

I wish Shanny was coming though and Kimmy...but I cannot have EVERYTHING! Hopefully we will all be together this summer...wish...hope...dream!

I am trying hard to keep my anxiety in check though. Since coming out of my depression I have gained some weight and am not feeling as gorgeous as I'd like...there goes my inner voice again...I am so critical of myself...and there is going to be a party at Lele's with non-Nunas, and that's when my anxiety starts to sky rocket. Why do I worry so much about what others think of me? It drives me nuts, especially since these are all really good people who probably are not saying how I've gained weight but are really genuinely happy to see me. I am insane. Of course after saying all this, I could actually DO something about it, instead of just hoping I'll wake up one day back in the body I had when I was 21. I guess that would be my brutal procrastination problem rearing it's ugly head again! anyone else this crazy?

Well, I must keep my positivity going...I so much enjoy this feeling...I must savor it. I never want to go back to that black, lonely place I was last year...YUCK!

"I am going to go make so art with love for my Lele now!" coco says fighting the urge to keep staring at her computer instead. A psychic told me recently that I have to embrace my inner child. I am translating this to being able to PLAY again. I am not going to worry that a almost 39 year old shouldn't be wearing flannel pj's with Scottie dogs on them, at 8PM on a Wednesday thinking about drawing and colors and puppies and bff's! Hee hee I am also not going to worry that someone could read this and judge me! SO THERE!

Here I gooooo.....!

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